"Me and him both. I say to him all the time, ‘Listen, buddy, I know it sucks for you, but there are way more people saying that I suck than you do.'"
--Dan Hurley, head coach of NCAA basketball champion University of Connecticut, discussing conversations during the season with his point guard Tristen Newton
For years, I have become increasingly amazed at the frequency with which I and most other people use the word "suck." Here are some typical examples:
Present Tense
Self: I suck.
One's Talent/Competency: I suck at that.
Other: He/she sucks.
Others: Boy, they suck.
What another thinks: He/she thinks I suck.
What others think: They think I suck.
Consensus: Everyone thinks that sucks. Everyone knows that sucks. Everyone knows I suck.
Empathy/Observation: Dude, that sucks!
Event/Self (Certainty/Spoken by Others with Empathy): That's gotta suck.
Events/Groups: Man, those guys suck.
Environment/Culture: It sucks over there.
The present tense of suck suggests the absolute nature of sucking. Suck is all or none. You, it, or they either suck or don't. There is typically no mild or moderate in the word suck. It either sucks or it doesn't. If you suck, you suck in the extreme.
Granted, the use of the word "suckish" has gained some popularity. This new development suggests various levels or a dimensionality of the suck. It opens the door for the existence of a "suck spectrum," or the awareness that things, events and people can be on the suck spectrum. You, indeed, can be on the suck spectrum.
Primarily, the effect of the present tense of suck is anticipatory anxiety. Its use suggests that there is something to dread and avoid on the horizon. It disrupts the ability to fully prepare for the situation. It triggers the stress/trauma response and stimulates old neural pathways and connections between the mid-brain and the cortex about past experiences that sucked (and remember, they were was extreme and absolute). It sets up a hypervigilance and anxiousness that affects cognitive functioning and optimal performance. Often, it also leads to procrastination.
More importantly, however, is the disruption of any real possibility of proceeding with the activity in a relaxed, confident flow state.
Past tense
I sucked, he/she sucked, they sucked, he thought I sucked, they think I sucked.
One's Talent/Competency: I sucked at that.
This use of the past tense of suck has the tendency to intensify our post-performance anxiety. It keeps us stuck in the past and reduces our ability to learn, and increases the likelihood of an ongoing narrative that focuses on failure. It tends to lead to harsh self-criticism and evaluation of our future performances.
Future Tense
Self/Future tense: I'm gonna suck. I always suck at that.
Event (Prediction): I bet that'll suck.
Certainty/Future tense: That's gonna suck.
Certainty/Permanence: That always sucks.
Chandler Bing Versions (These upgraded suck statements are a little more healthy and helpful.)
Could this be any more suckish? (Yes, most certainly.)
Could this suck any worse? (Yes, definitely.)
It couldn't suck any worse than this. (Again, yes, indeed.)
Should you be intent on using the verb or adjective "suck," you could transition gently to the following versions of the word.
Less common internal dialogue that includes the verb "suck."
This might suck.
This could suck.
Let's see if this sucks.
This could suck a little (but maybe not).
I will challenge myself to not suck as badly as before.
Post-Performance Evaluation Suggestions
The antidote to using the past tense of suck is asking such post-performance questions as:
What didn't suck about that?
How could I have sucked less?
What can I learn to do instead to reduce the suckishness?
What did I do that didn't suck?
How can I increase my non-suckish behavior?
What part of the suck did I not contribute to?
In general, self-talk or internal dialogue can be very difficult to identify and even harder to change. When I work with my clients I usually suggest they monitor what they say to themselves prior, during and after they perform any important activity. When they look carefully at any activity they engage in, whether they experience anxiety during the activity or not, I suggest that they pay attention to their self-talk. Usually, they ask for examples to help them identify their particular self-talk. If I give them examples, they often do not personally identify with the examples. I think that is because self-talk is often very unique to them and is often based on their particular childhood developmental experiences and the types of environments in which they grew up.
Most recently, it occurred to me that to best analyze self-talk, it is helpful to look at the timing of the self-talk (present, past or future) and where it occurs in the sequence of an activity. Additionally, it is important in that it might help you to determine what type of anxiety you tend to exhibit (anticipatory anxiety, pre-performance anxiety, or post-performance anxiety). Whether we are talking about social anxiety, public speaking anxiety (reportedly the most common anxiety), performance anxiety, etc. the self-talk tends to have certain characteristics and timing. This is where your analysis of your signature use of the word "suck" can be very helpful.
Writer's Note #1: After reading this post, my wife said, "This article was much less 'suckish' than most of the ones you write."
Writer's Note #2: No part of this blogpost was generated by AI.
To watch the San Francisco 49ers' Greg Kittle discuss more about his "reset button," click here:
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