“Nerves are something a lot of younger athletes come to me with. I suppose they might not have the strategies to deal with it. One of the first things I do with an athlete who gets nervous is I say to them it’s normal to get nervous. It’s usually about where the nerves are coming from and what are they stemming from?
“Nerves are just a reaction in your body. You feel the same on a rollercoaster when you get near the top. Physically it’s the exact same. It’s excitement. On raceday suddenly nerves are bad.
“I usually explore why is it that nerves are giving people that bad feeling. It’s funny cause a lot of it is picturing the ‘what ifs’."
--Jessie Barr, sports and performance psychologist, former Olympian from Ireland.
According to the National Federation of State High School Association’s annual participation survey, sports participation is down for the first time in 30 years. American football, in particular, saw a low for a fifth consecutive year, something that may be attributed to safety concerns. But what about participation in other, non-contact sports, such as soccer, baseball, and tennis?
1. Sports Are No Longer “Fun”
Studies cite many benefits of participation in sports, many of which have to do with the development of life skills such as teamwork, personal accountability and sportsmanship. Of course, sports are also about having fun — at least, they used to be.
Dr. Vassilis Dalakas, Ph.D., visiting professor of sports marketing at San Diego State University, says “I realize many will blame the popularity of technology and video games as the reason why kids don’t find sports fun,” Dalakas says. “However, as a researcher of sports fan psychology, a coach of youth sports and a parent, I can attest that a big reason for [the decline] that many parents get extremely intense about youth sports in their desire to see their kids’ teams win.”
This phenomenon, which he refers to as “Basking in Reflected Glory,” has begun to infiltrate youth sports. The extreme parent-exterted pressure on kids to win takes away any joy they might have in merely participating, developing skills or improved performance from game to game.
2. Video Games
Despite Dalakas assertions video games aren’t to blame, Richard Williamson, head coach of boys’ lacrosse and administrator for Ballistic Sports Group, sees things differently.
“In the past year, I had three separate sets of parents tell me their sons didn’t want to play lacrosse because they were too involved with Fortnite,” he said. “I’ve always had kids who played video games, but at least we had them coming out [to play sports]. This was the first time I’ve ever had parents letting their kids opt out of sports to play video games. Other coaches told me the same thing.”
3. Commitment
A parent of two middle school boys, Sara E. Routhier says, “I think one of the big reasons parents aren’t enrolling their kids in sports is the pressure to commit a great deal of time and money. [In addition to the] the cost of registration fees, equipment, and travel, there are the expectations.”
Many parents claim the difficulty of fitting in multiple practices between work, homework and other commitments is too much to handle.
4. Crazy Sports Parents (and Coaches)
They pace the sidelines, they scream at 6-year-olds (their children, your children, and you), they berate referees (often volunteers), they demand that their bewildered and still-inexperienced child hustle, run, pass, score, or perform any number of ESPN highlight-worthy skills and scream commands that are often in total conflict to the coach’s directions.
Dr. Matthew Goldenberg, a Yale psychiatrist, said that some of the same psychological impulses driving fan behavior also drive parental behavior.
Those behaviors can include “Displacement” – when we shift our bad feelings about one area of our lives to something less threatening, “Schadenfreude” – a tendency to take pleasure when others fail, and “Splitting” – avoiding life’s ambiguities by resorting to black-and-white thinking.
“Identification is [also] an obvious answer,” Goldenberg also said. “Their child’s success or failure is a reflection on them.”
Parents may also be burned out, worn down and short-tempered after spending an entire day attending multiple travel team games, according to sports psychology expert Dr. Joe Ross, president of Huntsville, Alabama-based firm Higher Echelon and longtime youth sports coach.
And the stakes may feel higher than ever because parents spend so much more money on their kid’s sports than parents did decades ago, Ross said.
According to the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, research suggests youth sports game anger is typically triggered when parents perceive that referees, coaches, players, or other parents are acting uncaringly, unjustly, or incompetently.
Research shows that bad sideline behavior at youth sports games is counter-productive. When kids are yelled at, they can experience stress-induced physical responses that negatively affect their performance. They are also at risk of developing mental health problems such as depression and anxiety.
Parents should remember that kids are still learning and enjoy the process, regardless of wins or losses, Ross said.
“We’re not at school standing over their shoulder yelling at them during their Algebra test,” Ross said. “We allow that process of learning to go through. It’s the same process in sports.”
At middle school, Lindsay Lane Christian Academy in Athens, Georgia, basketball fans are expected to be calm, quiet, and respectful. Head of School Stephen Murr has helped the school community was a good example, acknowledging that he does have to address inappropriate fan behavior from time to time.
“There’s an emphasis on letting people know what we expect,” Murr said. “All of our athletes sign an agreement and the parents sign a code of conduct. We don’t think it’s a good thing for us to boo, to laugh at people who mess up. We’re there to cheer our kids.”
5. Safety: Injury and Burnout Risks
Of course, safety is always going to be a concern, regardless of the sport the child chooses to play. Parents may overlook possible risks associated with non-contact sports, but many can’t do the same when it comes to risks associated with football. According to the results from an NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll from last year, nearly 50% of parents — 53% of mothers and 39% of fathers — would discourage their child from playing football due to concussions and other safety hazards.
James granted Yahoo Sports an exclusive interview that covered a wide range of safety issues such as: the state of load management, the demanding AAU culture that often leads to injury and burnout, how he monitors his son’s involvement, and preventable measures to ensure that young athletes aren’t being taken advantage of and physically damaged before beginning their professional careers.
“I think [AAU] has something to do with it, for sure,” James said. “It was a few tournaments where my kids — Bronny and Bryce — had five games in one day and that’s just f- - -ing out of control. That’s just too much. And there was a case study where I read a report. I don’t know who wrote it not too long ago, and it was talking about the causes and [kid’s] bodies already being broken down and they [attributed] it to AAU basketball and how many games that these tournaments are having for the [financial benefit]. So, I’m very conscious for my own son because that’s all I can control, and if my son says he’s sore or he’s tired, he’s not playing.
Obviously, LeBron James isn’t a fan of modern Amateur Athletic Union basketball.
The four-time NBA MVP, who’s gotten the chance to witness current AAU culture as a parent thanks to the participation of his two sons, Bronny and Bryce.
Many kids who participate in AAU basketball specialized early—meaning they began playing only basketball before they hit high school.
Instead of spending time honing a variety of different physical and mental skills playing multiple sports in both organized and unorganized environments, they simply devote all those hours (and perhaps more) to playing just one sport, subjecting their body to the same repetitive actions multiple hours a day over the entire year.
Some of the top high school players in the country play approximately 30 AAU games a year, plus a few play on the USA Basketball U19 national team, and that is all on top of a high school basketball schedule that ranges from 25 to 35 games. That’s around 80 games of organized play a year, not including practices, scrimmages and pickup ball.
Early specialization is speculated to be one cause of the New Orleans Pelican rookie Zion Williamson’s injury-riddled start to his NBA career.
James also believes that poor nutrition isn’t helping matters, either.
“And they don’t eat great, too. The nutrition part. They don’t eat well at 14, 15, 16. They’re taking all that pounding and then they’re not putting the right s**t in their body. It’s tough,” says James. “There’s no Whole Foods in those small cities. Those kids are eating McDonald’s, bro. They’re eating bad, and they’re playing five, six games a day. Come on, man. That’s what it is.”
James grew up participating in several AAU tournaments, he says the system has drastically changed since then. He also believes that playing pick-up games, often against older competition, was a much bigger factor in his success than AAU.
“There are way more tournaments, there are way more showcases now compared to when I played,” James said. “You know how we got better as kids? We played against older kids because we knew if we lost, we had to wait a long-ass time before we got back on the court…That was our motivation. That pushed us. That’s how we got better.”
James did not specialize early himself. His first love was football. He was an All-State receiver at St. Vincent-St. Mary High School (Akron, Ohio). He continued playing football all the way up until his senior year of high school.
While many parents rush their children into early specialization in hopes of a college scholarship and career in professional sports, LeBron’s childhood was different. He believes his most valuable basketball development came via pick-up games, not organized tournaments or private skill sessions, and he continued to compete in multiple sports well into high school.
While James forbids his own sons from competing in youth football due to safety concerns, he did encourage them to participate in sports such as soccer and baseball. Now that they appear to be specializing, he’s concerned about them being pushed to play too much basketball.
“I think it’s just based on if [parents] know you have a special kid or some special kids, you can’t be putting them in every f***ing tournament just because people want to see them,” said James. “But like I said, these coaches don’t give a damn about these kids. I care about my kids. I don’t put my AAU kids in every tournament. We probably play like five or six tournaments a summer.”
“These kids are going into the league already banged up, and I think parents and coaches need to know [that] … well, AAU coaches don’t give a f---. AAU coaches couldn’t give a damn about a kid and what his body is going through.
“It was a few tournaments where my kids - Bronny and Bryce - had five games in one day and that’s just f---ing out of control. That’s just too much…
“So, I’m very conscious for my own son because that’s all I can control, and if my son says he’s sore or he’s tired, he’s not playing.
“Because a lot of these tournaments don’t have the best interest of these kids, man. I see it.
“It’s like one time, they had to play a quarterfinal game, a semifinal game and a championship game starting at 9 a.m., and the championship game was at 12:30 p.m. Three games. I was like, ‘Oh, hell no.’ And my kids were dead tired. My kids were dead tired. This isn’t right. This is an issue.” --LeBron James.
James granted Yahoo Sports an exclusive interview that covered a wide range of safety issues such as: the state of load management, the demanding AAU culture that often leads to injury and burnout, how he monitors his son’s involvement, and preventable measures to ensure that young athletes aren’t being taken advantage of and physically damaged before beginning their professional careers.
“I think [AAU] has something to do with it, for sure,” James said. “It was a few tournaments where my kids — Bronny and Bryce — had five games in one day and that’s just f- - -ing out of control. That’s just too much. And there was a case study where I read a report. I don’t know who wrote it not too long ago, and it was talking about the causes and [kid’s] bodies already being broken down and they [attributed] it to AAU basketball and how many games that these tournaments are having for the [financial benefit]. So, I’m very conscious for my own son because that’s all I can control, and if my son says he’s sore or he’s tired, he’s not playing.
Obviously, LeBron James isn’t a fan of modern Amateur Athletic Union basketball.
The four-time NBA MVP, who’s gotten the chance to witness current AAU culture as a parent thanks to the participation of his two sons, Bronny and Bryce.
Many kids who participate in AAU basketball specialized early—meaning they began playing only basketball before they hit high school.
Instead of spending time honing a variety of different physical and mental skills playing multiple sports in both organized and unorganized environments, they simply devote all those hours (and perhaps more) to playing just one sport, subjecting their body to the same repetitive actions multiple hours a day over the entire year.
Some of the top high school players in the country play approximately 30 AAU games a year, plus a few play on the USA Basketball U19 national team, and that is all on top of a high school basketball schedule that ranges from 25 to 35 games. That’s around 80 games of organized play a year, not including practices, scrimmages and pickup ball.
Early specialization is speculated to be one cause of the New Orleans Pelican rookie Zion Williamson’s injury-riddled start to his NBA career.
James also believes that poor nutrition isn’t helping matters, either.
“And they don’t eat great, too. The nutrition part. They don’t eat well at 14, 15, 16. They’re taking all that pounding and then they’re not putting the right s**t in their body. It’s tough,” says James. “There’s no Whole Foods in those small cities. Those kids are eating McDonald’s, bro. They’re eating bad, and they’re playing five, six games a day. Come on, man. That’s what it is.”
James grew up participating in several AAU tournaments, he says the system has drastically changed since then. He also believes that playing pick-up games, often against older competition, was a much bigger factor in his success than AAU.
“There are way more tournaments, there are way more showcases now compared to when I played,” James said. “You know how we got better as kids? We played against older kids because we knew if we lost, we had to wait a long-ass time before we got back on the court…That was our motivation. That pushed us. That’s how we got better.”
James did not specialize early himself. His first love was football. He was an All-State receiver at St. Vincent-St. Mary High School (Akron, Ohio). He continued playing football all the way up until his senior year of high school.
While many parents rush their children into early specialization in hopes of a college scholarship and career in professional sports, LeBron’s childhood was different. He believes his most valuable basketball development came via pick-up games, not organized tournaments or private skill sessions, and he continued to compete in multiple sports well into high school.
While James forbids his own sons from competing in youth football due to safety concerns, he did encourage them to participate in sports such as soccer and baseball. Now that they appear to be specializing, he’s concerned about them being pushed to play too much basketball.
“I think it’s just based on if [parents] know you have a special kid or some special kids, you can’t be putting them in every f***ing tournament just because people want to see them,” said James. “But like I said, these coaches don’t give a damn about these kids. I care about my kids. I don’t put my AAU kids in every tournament. We probably play like five or six tournaments a summer.”
The Era of Load Management Begins
Beginning with San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich, who was known to give exhausted players a night off particularly after back-to-back games, other star players taking the night off in the NBA has ignited a contentious discussion in recent years as the trend grew.
Los Angeles Clippers superstar Kawhi Leonard became the player most associated with the term “load management” when the Toronto Raptors reduced the amount of games he played in his lone season with the franchise that ultimately led to an NBA championship.
And while load management isn’t an approach many fans are approving readily, the conversation has progressively advanced to questioning what has contributed to this attempt at body preservation.
Former Phoenix Suns head coach Earl Watson, also a 13-year veteran of the NBA as a player, recently tweeted that AAU basketball is the reason players are entering the league with a considerable and alarming amount of wear and tear.
A Guide for Parents
Could the seemingly small things we do or say affect the mental game of our young athletes just as much as the “crazy” adults on the sidelines and their explosive behavior? Are words of encouragement, like, “Just go out there and try your best!” actually doing similar but just less obvious damage?
The book, Beyond the Scoreboard: Learn It Through Youth Sports, Carry It Through Life, co-authored by Celeste Romano, and Dr. Nick Molinaro, licensed psychologist with specialty in performance and sport psychology, provides a way to craft a young athlete’s environment to positively impact their mental game. They discuss factors that contribute to burnout, resentment, and even physical injury.
What a parent says after a big loss can help a child maintain their passion for sport and develop a growth-mindset lifestyle.
The authors say “When 70% of youths leave organized sports by the age of thirteen, losing out on the physical, social, and emotional benefits derived from athletic participation, we have to get serious about our approach to coaching and leading them.”
Romano says that many sports parents minimize and discount the impact of their words and criticisms on their young athlete. Parents may think sometimes that they aren’t listening to us or care what their parents think, but the truth is they hear and see everything we do.
When parents berate their kid’s performance in the name of “mental toughness” or “tough love” kids shrink from it. You can see it on their faces or their body language. Their emotional and physical well-being is bruised. And those bruises effect performance, because on the field their mind is worried about the repercussions after the game, not what they need to do to perform in the game.
Dr. Molinaro believes that “parents are the epicenter of a child’s world from birth. The environment each parent provides will affect, for the good or bad, inherent qualities given to the child by nature.
“If a parent provides feedback with critiques specific to performance skills, encourages them to learn from their failures instead of fear them, and doesn’t tie their love to the child’s performance, the child will, in practice and competition, be solely focused on the skills they need to execute in competition. Ultimately, they will then perform at a higher level.
“How parents communicate with their child, through words or actions, will impact their ability to develop a strong mental game. What is learned in competition, whether or not the player is of exceptional or average potential in the sport, will have significant impact on them. Winning or losing should never be the importance of the process of playing sport. Playing should be enjoyable and executing at one’s highest level should be instilled in competitive situations early on in life.
"For example, if a parent focuses on the importance of winning, they convey to their child that winning is what matters. However, high performing athletes are high performers because they have a passion to perform. Winning is just a by-product. High performing athletes see failure as a growth opportunity, to redefine their skill parameters raising their performance bar, not something to fear or be defeated by. So, if a parent’s sideline conversations revolve around winning or admonishing the player over a loss, they send the message that winning is what matters and, in the end, stifle the child’s ability to grow as a player – they have in fact limited their child’s potential."
"High performers all share one thing in common. They all have a low need for positive reinforcement. Basically, these athletes perform at such a high level because during practice and competition they are solely focused on the skills they need to do. They aren’t worried or preoccupied with anyone’s reaction on the sidelines.”
Self-Confidence vs. Self-Efficacy
Dr. Molinaro states that parents and coaches alike foster the false theory that all a player needs is confidence. Two basic processes influence confidence; both are frequently unreliable indicators of success. The first is “belief.” Many say that what a person believes predicts their behavior. Values are great examples of beliefs. However, beliefs don’t always tell us the truth. The second process influencing confidence are “feelings.” Like belief, feelings also don’t always tell us the truth. You can believe/feel something is true, but that does not necessarily make it so. High confidence does not necessarily correlate to high performance; nor does low confidence correlate to low performance.
Dr. Molinaro asserts that confidence and emotions are overrated in performance.
Coaches and parents often say, “Oh, he just needs a little confidence and he will play better.”
In line with what legendary psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura has said, "what young developing players need isn’t confidence but self-efficacy . . . . The key is what is the truth about an individual’s performance – not what they “believe” or “feel.”
Self-efficacy is based on truth and knowledge without doubt. Self-efficacy is a more scientific approach, one that deals in facts and not feelings. In the model that confidence is essential we see an elemental flaw. Bandura’s findings reduce self-effacy to a simple concept: The key is what is the truth about an individual’s performance – not what they “believe” or “feel.” If the truth is that the individual can execute specific behaviors that is what they should focus upon.
For example, take Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. His performance history has little to do with his so-called self-confidence. He focuses on a truth that he knows because he’s established his truth through hours of practice – he is likely to swim fast, very fast. He knows without a doubt what he is physically capable of doing and he does it even when he is not feeling great about himself. His truth drives the performance.
After The Game
Parents shape the environment that influences their child. They build that environment with each and every interaction. When the child comes off the playing field and a parent is yelling at them and giving harsh critiques, the child will see and hear that Mom or Dad is angry about poor performance and are only happy when the child plays well.
So what do parents need to do:
1. Parents must clearly communicate empathy. They need to not talk in overly harsh, critical tones.
2. They need to keep any and all critiques specific to how a child performs a skill. Focus on strengths, specific demonstrations of skills, first. Such as: I liked the way you anticipated your opponent coming across the field. Or, I noticed your head lifting on the down swing with your driver.
3. Use every performance as a time to talk about improving by asking:
5. Avoid talking about winning. Change the focus from winning/losing to growing/learning. Winning should never be the focus, growth and learning should be. The player that is growth-minded will push themselves to be higher-performers.
Beginning with San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich, who was known to give exhausted players a night off particularly after back-to-back games, other star players taking the night off in the NBA has ignited a contentious discussion in recent years as the trend grew.
Los Angeles Clippers superstar Kawhi Leonard became the player most associated with the term “load management” when the Toronto Raptors reduced the amount of games he played in his lone season with the franchise that ultimately led to an NBA championship.
And while load management isn’t an approach many fans are approving readily, the conversation has progressively advanced to questioning what has contributed to this attempt at body preservation.
Former Phoenix Suns head coach Earl Watson, also a 13-year veteran of the NBA as a player, recently tweeted that AAU basketball is the reason players are entering the league with a considerable and alarming amount of wear and tear.
A Guide for Parents
Could the seemingly small things we do or say affect the mental game of our young athletes just as much as the “crazy” adults on the sidelines and their explosive behavior? Are words of encouragement, like, “Just go out there and try your best!” actually doing similar but just less obvious damage?
The book, Beyond the Scoreboard: Learn It Through Youth Sports, Carry It Through Life, co-authored by Celeste Romano, and Dr. Nick Molinaro, licensed psychologist with specialty in performance and sport psychology, provides a way to craft a young athlete’s environment to positively impact their mental game. They discuss factors that contribute to burnout, resentment, and even physical injury.
What a parent says after a big loss can help a child maintain their passion for sport and develop a growth-mindset lifestyle.
The authors say “When 70% of youths leave organized sports by the age of thirteen, losing out on the physical, social, and emotional benefits derived from athletic participation, we have to get serious about our approach to coaching and leading them.”
Romano says that many sports parents minimize and discount the impact of their words and criticisms on their young athlete. Parents may think sometimes that they aren’t listening to us or care what their parents think, but the truth is they hear and see everything we do.
When parents berate their kid’s performance in the name of “mental toughness” or “tough love” kids shrink from it. You can see it on their faces or their body language. Their emotional and physical well-being is bruised. And those bruises effect performance, because on the field their mind is worried about the repercussions after the game, not what they need to do to perform in the game.
Dr. Molinaro believes that “parents are the epicenter of a child’s world from birth. The environment each parent provides will affect, for the good or bad, inherent qualities given to the child by nature.
“If a parent provides feedback with critiques specific to performance skills, encourages them to learn from their failures instead of fear them, and doesn’t tie their love to the child’s performance, the child will, in practice and competition, be solely focused on the skills they need to execute in competition. Ultimately, they will then perform at a higher level.
“How parents communicate with their child, through words or actions, will impact their ability to develop a strong mental game. What is learned in competition, whether or not the player is of exceptional or average potential in the sport, will have significant impact on them. Winning or losing should never be the importance of the process of playing sport. Playing should be enjoyable and executing at one’s highest level should be instilled in competitive situations early on in life.
"For example, if a parent focuses on the importance of winning, they convey to their child that winning is what matters. However, high performing athletes are high performers because they have a passion to perform. Winning is just a by-product. High performing athletes see failure as a growth opportunity, to redefine their skill parameters raising their performance bar, not something to fear or be defeated by. So, if a parent’s sideline conversations revolve around winning or admonishing the player over a loss, they send the message that winning is what matters and, in the end, stifle the child’s ability to grow as a player – they have in fact limited their child’s potential."
"High performers all share one thing in common. They all have a low need for positive reinforcement. Basically, these athletes perform at such a high level because during practice and competition they are solely focused on the skills they need to do. They aren’t worried or preoccupied with anyone’s reaction on the sidelines.”
Self-Confidence vs. Self-Efficacy
Dr. Molinaro states that parents and coaches alike foster the false theory that all a player needs is confidence. Two basic processes influence confidence; both are frequently unreliable indicators of success. The first is “belief.” Many say that what a person believes predicts their behavior. Values are great examples of beliefs. However, beliefs don’t always tell us the truth. The second process influencing confidence are “feelings.” Like belief, feelings also don’t always tell us the truth. You can believe/feel something is true, but that does not necessarily make it so. High confidence does not necessarily correlate to high performance; nor does low confidence correlate to low performance.
Dr. Molinaro asserts that confidence and emotions are overrated in performance.
Coaches and parents often say, “Oh, he just needs a little confidence and he will play better.”
In line with what legendary psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura has said, "what young developing players need isn’t confidence but self-efficacy . . . . The key is what is the truth about an individual’s performance – not what they “believe” or “feel.”
Self-efficacy is based on truth and knowledge without doubt. Self-efficacy is a more scientific approach, one that deals in facts and not feelings. In the model that confidence is essential we see an elemental flaw. Bandura’s findings reduce self-effacy to a simple concept: The key is what is the truth about an individual’s performance – not what they “believe” or “feel.” If the truth is that the individual can execute specific behaviors that is what they should focus upon.
For example, take Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. His performance history has little to do with his so-called self-confidence. He focuses on a truth that he knows because he’s established his truth through hours of practice – he is likely to swim fast, very fast. He knows without a doubt what he is physically capable of doing and he does it even when he is not feeling great about himself. His truth drives the performance.
After The Game
Parents shape the environment that influences their child. They build that environment with each and every interaction. When the child comes off the playing field and a parent is yelling at them and giving harsh critiques, the child will see and hear that Mom or Dad is angry about poor performance and are only happy when the child plays well.
So what do parents need to do:
1. Parents must clearly communicate empathy. They need to not talk in overly harsh, critical tones.
2. They need to keep any and all critiques specific to how a child performs a skill. Focus on strengths, specific demonstrations of skills, first. Such as: I liked the way you anticipated your opponent coming across the field. Or, I noticed your head lifting on the down swing with your driver.
3. Use every performance as a time to talk about improving by asking:
- How do you feel you did today?
- What did you learn on the field today that you want to improve on or perhaps do again because it worked well?
5. Avoid talking about winning. Change the focus from winning/losing to growing/learning. Winning should never be the focus, growth and learning should be. The player that is growth-minded will push themselves to be higher-performers.
To read a free digital promotional preview copy of my new book, Strengthen Your Mental Core, click on the link here:
https://valdes.atavist.com/strengthening-your-mental-core-a-guide-for-athletes-and-coaches6cfw5
https://valdes.atavist.com/strengthening-your-mental-core-a-guide-for-athletes-and-coaches6cfw5
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